I decided to not have coffee today before laps after a week of vertigo that disabled flips in the pool. A choice as a willful act of change. Today I do flip turns. It waaas the coffee. After laps I'm Adeline pumped and turn into curves on base. The guard at the gate checking IDs also asked if I'd slow down next time. I'm respectful. Heading to my office I imagine juicing again and reflect on why I stopped and where my juice is and is reducing coffee really the answer. I doubt drinking less.
I have her response on my mind. A not-think-much but evaluation of who I am, who she was. I wasn't free to allow the approach to my office to be the final adjustment to starting the work day.
How well of a guard was she? Specifically, what morning was she having to wake up, stand in the cold, breathe car fumes, check IDs and be polite about all of that?
As I walk into the building, up the stairs, I miscalculate a step and trip. My coffee, in the cup I'm holding, with the lid that's not secure, drops out of my hand and spills coffee in the stairs - the entire cup.
Did I feel this coming? Did I know how preoccupied I was? Was she, the gate guard, unobservantly aware of her morning sacrifice, a need found when we made eye contact?
At the very least, and all I could do, was to presume complete accountability for the spilled coffee.
How much could I presume an after the fact evaluation that my morning encounter and random experience were related? How much could I rely on the fact that the relation reinforced, it confirmed, for me to have what I want according to my belief, i.e. reducing coffee was a good choice? And, as randomly as I think and type this, at the end of me texting a random conversation next to me mentions New York.
That is, everything has meaning according to our beliefs. And, we are only sabotaging ourselves if we fail to choose discovering how, and the reasons for, believing in ourselves. This too is chi.
Belief and meaning making experience makes no sense to anyone else but yourself. And the validity of self reflecting a comprehensive, value-asset, reason and or purpose is reflective of nothing less than the change you become. Nature has no option but to say yes. Your will is observed as a measurable ability to say no. Those who practice decisiveness and those who don't roughly gauge the identity of people along a spectrum of that capability, to choose, make a willful act of separation, or decide, as in how to accept and agree. Why decide? That's your meaning making, self reflective, evaluation, shaping, in the shape of, your identity, in the form of your belief.
Your willful act to choose reflects the identity others are discovering about themselves. Should I be nice to Black people? Should I give to the homeless? That's all up to you?
Here, however, is our world and a list of things that need to happen to make it a better place. None of which is your obligation. We are untangled enough today from each other that our choice to do something is a free will option. It always has been. But today, because of our diversity, we can all see clearly. We can begin to know for ourselves, from the enrichment of who we are, as we've discovered, learned and have chosen to accept.
Does believing in yourself matter now? No. It influences the self reflective value others observe of themselves and their questions asked and avoided. But now simply matters upon how good of a job you do to complete your work. The reflective consequence of that avoidance in belief are the works we see and witness today. And, is the world we pray in hope for God to deliver us from.
This is reality. This is where you are. And, you are here today, right now, with an option to choose. Continue doing what you're doing or act in self reflective value of yourself. That is, be first to create meaning without lying to yourself.
The value of freedom
The presumption of value that binds relationships is relief from not being the only one enduring time in response to commonly made decisions.
The observance of reflections in consideration of our self worth describes the weave, and collapse, of space for meaning making experiences (direct), and the moments that happen (avoid, ignore, unknown, unpredictable, without direct calculation, and new).
Those who have more than enough freedom preserve that relief. Generally with avoidance of self reflective questioning.
The opportunity that freedom offers, in value of exchange, that isn't equitably fair as life evolves diversely, preserves the moments of meaning making experiences to avoid self reflective questioning. As in, not in my shoes. Where societies are built about the reassurance of those moments, for the preservation of life there, where, and among those for whom, an equitable exchange of value in freedom doesn't exist. As are moments for those who retain leadership in avoidance of belief with, simply, good works. Those good works retain the certainty of knowledge for those experiences. Activities of the same relief.
With more than enough money, relief is persevered. In belief of commonly shared moments of inequity do the choices made for life preservation achieve the same relief.
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